Thursday, March 25, 2010

Where I've been...

where I am ...where I am going. I have kind of abandoned this blog, haven't I? I really didn't mean to. I have spent 2010 so far on a roller coaster of emotion. No, nothing big has happened in my life. No real crisis of any kind.

I have this habit - a lifelong habit - that I must kick. It's sucking all the color and flavor out of me. I fixate on things - not literal objects, but situations. I spend hours and hours trying to read the tea leaves and then more hours brewing pots and pots of tea until the leaves say what I want them to.

I guess it boils down to a couple of core issues:
1. I fear that I will drop the ball...that all the sign I should do something are right there in front of me and I will, from sheer stupidity, miss them and wreck my Whole Life.

2. A lack of faith.

I am spinning my wheels creatively because I cannot focus on art when I am mentally writing a script for a Lifetime movie based on an inconsequential exchange with a stranger at WalMart.

This is just a season I must endure. I know it will pass. I must be patient with myself and ride this out.

Until then...