Thursday, March 25, 2010

Where I've been...

where I am ...where I am going. I have kind of abandoned this blog, haven't I? I really didn't mean to. I have spent 2010 so far on a roller coaster of emotion. No, nothing big has happened in my life. No real crisis of any kind.

I have this habit - a lifelong habit - that I must kick. It's sucking all the color and flavor out of me. I fixate on things - not literal objects, but situations. I spend hours and hours trying to read the tea leaves and then more hours brewing pots and pots of tea until the leaves say what I want them to.

I guess it boils down to a couple of core issues:
1. I fear that I will drop the ball...that all the sign I should do something are right there in front of me and I will, from sheer stupidity, miss them and wreck my Whole Life.

2. A lack of faith.

I am spinning my wheels creatively because I cannot focus on art when I am mentally writing a script for a Lifetime movie based on an inconsequential exchange with a stranger at WalMart.

This is just a season I must endure. I know it will pass. I must be patient with myself and ride this out.

Until then...

3 comments:

Dianne said...

great insight here...somewhat reassuring to know that even book authors & professional artists spin their wheels too, just like the rest of us! hope you will be continuing the blog updates...and wow, hope the ad "comments" drop off...
Dianne

Susan said...

Well I have been busy copying you. Inspired by your article in Issue 9 of CPS, I made some purses as favors for a bridal shower. I'd only made two books before, but the bug bit me and I made 28. I couldn't stop, I still want to make more. Had to slap myself in Michael's yesterday so as not to use the coupon to buy more cardstock. You made 365 books in a year, I became so obsessed I made 28 in a weekend. Pictues will be posted on my blog June 5th.

Thanks for the inspiration.
Susan
http://studioadventures-susan.blogspot.com/

violette said...

wow...i could have written this post!!! I spin my wheels too and often fixate on what is wrong rather than what is right. Good for you for being this self-aware.....i know this is an old post so i'm hoping things are going well for you.

I noticed that you have some adorable fabric dolls in the Quilting arts gift mag so wanted to drop by and say hi!

love, violette